I dread having to pretend to want him.
I dread having to pretend to want to fuck him.
I dread having to make the first move, every single time.
I dread having to lie there naked and coy, seduction personified, as proof of my desire because it’s not enough any more to comply with his desire, I have to prove I desire it too. (It’s not that he’s suddenly become considerate, it’s just that he can’t get it up unless he thinks I want it.)
I dread having to prove something that is not true and never was true and never will be true.
I dread the way my heart turns to stone every time, every bleeding time I have to act this part.
(Source: NSFW nicebluejournal.livejournal.com)