So, I was watching Music & Lyrics for the 24958374367633th time today. When I say watching, what I mean is playing it in the background while I do my research work. Yes, yes, the over done ‘I’ve been living with a shadow overhead’ bit.
I think I will buy a guitar this month. I was saving up for an ankle tattoo, but that can wait, I’m not sure about it, yet. I need to learn how to play a musical instrument. Not ‘want’, mind you, ‘need’. All these songs feel claustrophobic in my head. I need to learn how to strum a guitar. I’m content with merely learning how to strum a guitar and M has promised to teach me before we leave each other. Maybe that will give me something to do when my mind is preoccupied with those many tiny thoughts.
Sketching has stopped being therapeutic. I end up sketching what’s on my mind. Sometimes, it’s pretty and cheerful. And sometimes, it’s people, places and times I want to let go of and move on. It doesn’t do good to etch them in sketch, now, does it? No, that won’t do.
I am going to take these two months off for myself. I am just going to go ahead and do exactly what I want for the next 60 days.
- You, who calls me up before submissions and tells me about the new boy who broke your heart, I am not going to sit up all night counseling you for the hundredth time and later, run to meet my deadline. Pick up your broken pieces and clean up your act. I am not going to pick up your calls for the next 60 days.
- You, who just wants to be my friend in exchange for solving my academic confusions (many a time as an easy way out, instead of admonishing me and making me research by myself some more), I am going to end this farce and see if it makes me a better person.
- You who means the world to me, darling, I am not going to take my temper out on you for the next 60 days.
- You, yes, I think you are a douche bag. Fuck off and don’t try getting within an inch of me if you know what’s good for you.
- You, TR, yes I truly, badly want to do every single thing we are planning for and I hope when the time comes, I’ll be able to do them all. With you. Else, I will at least know someone who’s done the dream. That’s good enough. 😀
- You four- M, D, DD(oh the pun) and S, I love you. And no matter how many disagreements we get into, I always will. (Side note :- And D, if you pawn off the ‘writing’ to anyone else, I am going to be mighty pissed. Don’t even think about it. I wouldn’t have anyone but you do it, no matter what). V, I love you too, more than you think actually.
- You, you make me smile. A lot. Thankyou. 🙂
I give myself 60 days to shed this clinging on to what is convenient stupidity and be gutsy enough to break away from what I don’t like – habits and people, alike.
I am done contemplating what you would think about it or what your reaction will be or whether you will be hurt by it. Believe me, I don’t want to hurt you, but I want these two months left to be as perfect as possible. I don’t want to be worrying about you or upset because of you when I want to fit in as much cheer and happiness into the next 60 days. If I think it’s going to make me smile, I’ll do it. Don’t guilt trip me over what I do.
Day 60. Let the fun begin. Whatever makes me happy, right? 😀