There is immense comfort in the thought that someone cares enough. That’s all that there is.

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Dreams of gossamer

My parents tell me I am distracted and day-dreamy, that if I only applied myself I could accomplish so much more. What they don’t realize is that in my day dreams I am re-building the entire universe. In my mind there are fantastic sky scrapers, communities of utopia and amazing accomplishments.

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I need to read a Zadie Smith next.

“Boys are just boys after all, but sometimes girls really seem to be the turn of a pale wrist, or the sudden jut of a hip, or a clutch of very dark hair falling across a freckled forehead. I’m not saying that’s what they really are. I’m just saying sometimes it seems that way, and that those details (a thigh mole, a full face flush, a scar the precise shape and size of a cashew nut) are so many hooks waiting to land you.
-The Girl With Bangs”
— Zadie Smith
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Next thirty

Sometime towards the end of February, I decided that for the next sixty days, I’d do whatever the fuck I wanted to do. It gives me great pleasure to say that it went off brilliantly. There were many new experiences, new places, old places with new people and new people. It was so good that I decided to do whatever the fuck I wanted, for thirty more days. So here’s me at the end of ninety days, as happy as a tick on a fat puppy.

I’m done with my course and back in Bangalore. I have been waiting to feel sad about the entire deal of missing hostel and missing University, but I cannot say with a straight face that I have been sad about anything. In fact, I’m as glad as can be to have finished University. It feels great to be back in Bangalore. I have a job in Delhi, but I don’t want to leave Bangalore really. If I have my way, I will not be spending a long time here and I’d like to spend what little time I have here in Bangalore. That has given me May and June completely off, all to myself.

I’ve spent all of May doing all those things I’ve wanted to do these five years – spent an entire month reading, painting, sleeping, watching sitcoms and learning how to ride my Bullet. I’ve re-discovered by love for FRIENDS season by season. I’ve taken a particular liking to the lyrics of the theme song. Well, no one told me life was going to be this way. My job’s a joke, I’m not exactly broke – but close and my love life’s DoA.

As for the job, I’m getting many offers. At the last count, I’ve had four job offers – one that I didn’t even apply for, three have cleared the first round and are under consideration for interview call. I just wish I had more patience with these things. All I want now is not more job offers, but for the existing ones to conclude and them to give me an appointment letter for a Bangalore job in black and white.

As for money, as long as I can paint, I can fund my own partying. I need a job though to fund my Bullet’s petrol costs. Bleddy rising fuel prices. I’m not broke in the least, but I would highly appreciate a supplementary income, especially that of a corporate lawyer. 🙂

As for love, again, there’s no dearth of old people to discover, new people to meet, dates to go on or such. There’s simply no spark. I think I have become a more serious person. Either that or I’m losing the touch.

Since the sixty days thing worked out so great, I’m doing another thirty day experiment of sorts. I have been categorically told by my BFF to loosen up. So for the next thirty days, I’m not going to say ‘No’ to meeting any new boy. No prejudices, no judging beforehand and avoiding being asked out, no avoiding or running away from people because they appear to be boring.  One shall do this for one month at least.

Meanwhile, I have decided that it’s time to let go of the sloth and shape up. Went to the gym to join today and was solidly intimidated by everyone around. Have signed up for aerobics and cardio, starting tomorrow. I cannot do anything to escape my roundness, but at least short shorts and tank top wearing type figure must happen before I head to Goa on my bullet.

Also, the bullet is the apple of my eye. It is red also. I am loving it. More important than meeting new people, for the next thirty days, I must…simply must…stick to the gym. Hotness has to happen, I am back in Bengaloor after all.

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Concrete jungle

There is no changing of seasons in the electric city, and no real darkness/ The street is illuminated all night with orange light and the concrete is like a carpet/ we have dreamed the street as a room and it has become true.

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Pickup. NOT.

Are you Medusa? I think I’m hard as stone coz you looked at me.

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Not lost

Somewhere there has to be a world where you are with me

where there is me and you and where only your feelings and mine will be

Where the morning dawns onto your eyes

Where cradled in your arms, I listen to the moon’s lullaby

I know not where the that world is

I know not whether it exists or not.

Where my life is not so displeased with me

and where in sorrow my breathe isn’t lost.

I know not in whose arms I am lost.

I searched for ways to avoid the destination

and in course, I have forgotten where I was meant to be.

Somewhere there is intoxication in our every meeting

for our lips meet at every word.

Where my earth is, where my sky is,

is where you are my smile, my happiness and my life

I know not where the that world is

I know not whether it exists or not.

Where my life is not so displeased with me

and where in sorrow my breathe isn’t lost.

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